I am a college professor at a small mid-western university. I teach social work courses to both undergraduate and graduate students. I also maintain a small psychotherapy private practice in a nearby community. My work is primarily with substance abusers, but I also see individuals, couples, and families that are budened with other types of problems. My work revolves around a central theme: change. Over the years, I have learned a few lessons that I would like to share with my readers, whoever they may be. For today, I will discuss two fundamental principles of human behavior that I have found to be true.
First, people have a right to fail. When I started out as a social worker almost 30 years ago, I thought failure was a bad thing. However, I have learned that failure can be a good thing. Like many other things in life, it is what you do with it that makes a difference. Some people stop trying when they fail and perhaps they should. In other cases, it might be that they should persist but they do not. Still, there are other people who, after they fail, fail step back, examine the situation, and try again. They may redouble their efforts or try a different approach. In this sense they can do one of three things:
1. Do something different (a matter of content).
2. Do something differently (a matter of process).
3. Do some combination of 1 and 2.
Perhaps they succeed; perhaps they fail. Many people will stop at this point, but others still persist. If, at first you don't succeed, then try (and fail) again. I believe what happens is that the persistent ones begin to learn from their mistakes. They do not attain the outcome they want, so they learn to adjust their behaviors until they eventually succeed; that is, they achieve the outcome that they do want.
Another thing I have learned in my work with people is that the first thing a person needs to do is often the last thing he or she wants to do. Some observers would say that the individual's behavior flies in the face of common sense. I have found that our beliefs and their attendant emotions can turn in on us, keeping us stuck. In some instances, the result is our own demise. For instance, the last thing an alcoholic or drug dependent person wants is to stop using his or her drug or drugs of choice. By the same token, stopping use is the first thing that he or she should do.
Well, thank you for taking time to read this blog. I hope you will return to read my forthcoming comments.
Jay Memmott
